


If I Didn't Have You

by OceanAndARock



Series: Love is nothing to do with destined perfection [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: "Robin is boring", "What is a soulmate?", Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5346050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanAndARock/pseuds/OceanAndARock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU.  Set in a mildly dystopian world where people get matched to a soulmate by a computer program.  Regina gets assigned to Robin, Emma opts out of getting assigned to anyone, even though opting out is very rare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this because it is never explained what it is that determines Robin is Regina's soulmate. What does it actual mean and are there criteria used to identify him? That somehow led to this, which is also influenced by a certain dating website that tells me someone is a 90% match and I read their profile and have no interest in meeting them. 
> 
> This is probably going to be a load of angst and I haven't quite worked out the ending, so I can't promise it will be unambiguously happy. It might be happy, but I haven't actually worked it out myself. I don't think the ending will involve anyone important dying though.

Regina is early and sits and observes people entering the restaurant; smiling couple after smiling couple, until an immaculate man around her age enters alone, dressed in an expensive suit. He approaches the maître d’ and is shown towards her table, so she smiles in anticipation, but he is led past her, towards another woman sitting alone who looks over the moon when she realizes this man is there to join her. Regina lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, guiltily relieved that this man is not her soulmate. She knows she shouldn’t have preconceived ideas of what her soulmate will be like, should just have faith that the finely tuned soulmate matching system will know and have found her perfect partner much more reliably than she would have managed herself, and she does have faith, she believes, but she is still relieved that her soulmate is not him.

When Robin (his name being the only thing she knows about him in advance) is shown to her table she is happy. He is acceptably attractive, slightly scruffy and appears to be down-to-earth and pleasant. They talk and he is polite, reasonably attentive and unfazed by the fact she has a five year old son. He consults her on the choice of wine and does not try to order her meal for her. He is nothing like Leo and for thos she is grateful.

Towards the end of the meal Regina excuses herself to use the bathroom, placing her handbag on the counter while she reapplies her dark red lipstick. A woman with long blonde hair bursts into to the room, uses a cubicle and then joins her at the sink, putting a bag almost identical to Regina's down, except Regina can tell that this woman's is a cheap imitation, whereas hers is the real thing. 

"Hey, snap" notes the blonde inclining her head towards the bags whilst awkwardly adjusting her tight red dress.

"It's not my usual style," she adds, "but I'm working. I’m just about to bust a guy who's cheating on his wife. I thought I should use the toilet now as it could be a long night once I haul him in."

"For cheating?!" asks Regina with a raised eyebrow. She is not normally one to engage in small talk with strangers, but is feeling magnanimous tonight and this woman is refreshingly different from the stuffy people she has to interact with at work.

"It’s a shame that’s not an option,” quips the blonde.

“No, I'm a bail-bonds woman and he's skipped bail. I found him on a website for those who've realised the whole soulmates thing is not what it's cracked up to be and are looking for some fun."

Regina is put out by the woman's casual dismissal of soulmates. “Surely there can’t be many people who want to cheat on their soulmate. I’ve just met mine tonight and I am sure we are going to be happy together. I imagine that when you meet your soulmate you’ll feel the same.”

"Not going to happen. I'm thirty-one, I opted out of being matched with someone. If I'm lucky enough to meet someone I like, who likes me back, I want to know they have chosen to be with me, not been told to by a computer. Anyway I’ve got to go catch my man now. I hope it goes well with your soulmate."

With that the blonde grabs her bag and walks confidently out of the bathroom. Regina is stunned; she's aware that it is in theory possible for people opt out of finding a soulmate but she's never actually heard of anyone who has done so. Being in a relationship once you turn thirty is expected and society isn't set up to accommodate single people without difficulty and anyway, why would anyone chose to remain single when everyone has a soulmate out there for them? 

Regina goes to put her lipstick away and realizes the blonde has taken the wrong bag. She picks up the remaining bag with the intention of finding the other woman to exchange it, but as she exits the bathroom she hears a crash and sees an upturned table and the blonde stalking out of the restaurant after a man. She doesn't want to abandon Robin without explanation so quickly finds him and briefly explains, but by the time she gets outside the blonde has vanished.

Regina returns to the restaurant and searches the bag for clues as to the woman's identity, but all it contains is snack bars, handcuffs, tissues and a set of keys. She gives her contact details to the restaurant in case the blonde gets in touch and resumes her evening. 

Robin comes home with her and she lets them in with a key she keeps in a key-safe within the shed. The next morning she kisses him goodbye at the door and as he's walking down the front path the blonde from the previous night gets out of a yellow Bug parked outside and heads up the path.

"Is that your soulmate?" the blonde asks without preamble when she gets to the door.

"Yes" replies Regina tersely. "I know you do not approve of the concept, but I am glad to have met him."

"If he makes you happy then why not. Just because I opted out doesn't mean I'm going to judge your choices. I just came to exchange bags," she explains, smiling sheepishly. 

Regina realizes the woman is still in the dress from last night, but somehow looks very different, other than being disheveled she has lost the confidence of the previous night and looks almost bashful instead.

I'm sorry I walked off with your bag. I didn't realize until I wanted to handcuff the bail-jumper that I had the wrong one and I couldn't afford to lose him, I needed the money. By the time I'd finished with him it was late. I came round here but the lights were off and I didn't want to disturb you, so I waited until it was morning and I knew you were up."

"Did you sleep in your car?" Regina asked, somewhat incredulously.

"Yes, well I tried" she shrugged. "You have the keys to my flat and anyway I wanted to give you your bag back as soon as possible as I thought you would need it. So if we could just swap bags I'll leave you alone."

"How about you come in for a bit? You can have a shower and I can lend you some clothes. I am going to make some pancakes for Henry and it won't be any trouble to make a few extra."

Regina surprises herself with the offer. She does not usually introduce people to Henry without getting to know them herself first and even though Robin is her soulmate she had still ensured that he had left before Henry was up. But this woman looks like she is cold and tired and Regina feels sorry for her.

The blonde goes to shower and Regina prepares breakfast. Henry comes down so Regina starts making pancakes and she hears the woman enter the kitchen saying "Wow, that smells great."

Regina turns around and the blonde is wearing just a towel, all long limbs and toned muscles, with droplets of water glistening in places that Regina shouldn’t be looking.

"Hey kid" the blonde says.

Hi," replies Henry. "Are you my Mom's soulmate?" and Regina is worried that the woman will take offence at the implication.

"No, I don't think I'd be lucky enough for my soulmate to be a woman like your Mom" the woman replies and Regina can’t help but feel charmed. 

"I'm just here because I accidentally took your Mom's bag last night and when I brought it back this morning she offered me pancakes, and I never turn down pancakes, not that anyone has ever offered me pancakes before.”

"I'm Emma Swan, nice to meet you" she says, bending a little and holding out her hand to Henry and Regina tries not to look at the cleavage that is visible when Emma bends. 

"I'm Henry Mills" he replies, shaking her hand seriously. 

"I'm Regina Mills" Regina adds, realising that until then, despite inviting the woman in and offering her a shower, clothes and pancakes she hadn't even known Emma's name.

Emma turns and focuses on her.

"So I appreciate you lending me clothes, but they're kind of formal and they look really expensive. Do you have anything more casual and machine washable, in case I drop pancakes down it or something?"

Over breakfast, with Emma dressed in a more casual shirt and trousers, which are still expensive, but Regina's not going to tell her that, Henry quizzes Regina about Robin.

"What's your soulmate like? Are you in love? Are they going to come and live with us?"

"His name is Robin, he is very nice, he looks after dogs in a rescue center."

"Wow! Can I go and see the dogs?!" Henry interjects excited.

"I'll ask Robin if you can. I am not in love yet but I am sure we will be soon. It's a bit early to talk about where we might live."

Emma snorts.

"You seem unimpressed Ms Swan. I thought you weren't going to judge."

"I'm not. But all you've really said in his favour is that he's very nice, yet you're talking about falling in love and living together."

"Yes, he's my soulmate." Regina replies brusquely, wondering why it is necessary to state the obvious. Everyone knows that is how these things work. People’s genetic profile, star sign and answers to psychometric tests completed as a teenager are fed into a computer and a soulmate is identified for them. They have their 20s to develop careers and make friends, then once they get to thirty they make arrangements to meet their soulmate, because by that age people are ready to settle down and start a family. 

The matching program has been highly developed, tested and modified over the years and is now widely held to be the most reliable way to find someone with whom you will fall in love and be contentedly able to spend the rest of your life. Admittedly there are some people who meet someone and fall in love before they reach thirty and are brave or foolhardy enough to believe that they are better off being with someone they have chosen for themselves. Such relationships are accepted, because they do not live in an authoritarian state, and are referred to by those in them as ‘true love’, but they are not common because most people prefer to trust in the system, and it is almost unheard of for someone to be single at the age of thirty and to decide against meeting their soulmate in the way that Emma has. 

Regina has never fallen in love, but believes in the soulmates system. Unfortunately her controlling mother, who comes from a country where people marry and have children at a young age, does not believe in the system. She thought it was in Regina’s best interests to marry a wealthy man early and forced her to marry Leo. Regina had not enjoyed this marriage and was relieved that Leo died when she was twenty-eight, but would never be sorry that the relationship had given her Henry. 

"Fine, whatever" Emma replies, clearly not convinced that Robin being Regina’s soulmates is enough to guarantee them a future together. 

"Have you got a soulmate, Emma?" Henry asks. "Or a true love? Or are you not old enough?"

"Henry, I don't think Ms Swan was expecting to be interrogated when she came to return my bag."

"It's fine," Emma replied.

"I once thought I'd met my true love, but I was wrong. I'm old enough to have a soulmate, but I don't want one."

"Why not?!"

"I don't want to be told who to love."

"Henry, stop asking questions and go and brush your teeth. I think we should stop taking up Ms Swan's time and let her go home." 

"Fine, I know when I've outstayed my welcome. See ya kid." Emma says, walking into the hall as he goes upstairs.

Regina follows Emma into the hall and hisses at her "I'd appreciate it if you did not fill my son's head with your unhealthy ideas. You might be prepared to spend your life alone but I want Henry to be happy."

"Right, so you don't want me to judge you, but it's fine for you to judge me? Anyway, thanks for the clothes, I'll bring them back soon. I'll just write down my details so you know I'm not going to run off with them." Emma replies, writing down her number and address on a notepad on the table in the hall.

"That's hardly necessary” Regina replies, but Emma just storms out of the door, slamming it behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title come's from Tim Minchin's song, which it is in no way necessary to be familiar with in order to read this story.
> 
> As you might have guessed I have a cynical view on the concept of soulmates. I do very much believe in all kinds of love* though and that people can be willing to risk their life for someone they love, or get sucked into a vortex of evil for them, or less extremely to give them a kidney or something. I mean only if they needed a kidney, just giving someone your kidney as a present would be weird. 
> 
> *In Regina and Emma's case it will be romantic love.  
> \-----------  
> The fact that Cora comes from another unspecified country is not meant to be any form of racism, I just needed a reason for her to not subscribe to the soulmates idea and to force Regina to marry Leo. I hope no one hates the fact that Leo is Henry's father, in the show Neil is his father and I'm not a massive Neil fan, but I don't think that matters to who Henry is as a person. I'm not going to talk much about Leo in this story, but please assume he was a distant kind of father and for the three years of Henry's life that he was around he didn't interact with him very much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and reviews, they are always appreciated.

Regina doesn’t want to dwell on how things ended with Emma, she wants to forget about it and focus on her relationship with Robin, but Henry won’t stop talking about her. He asks why Emma doesn’t want a soulmate and if she lonely and _"Emma's interesting and pretty, isn't she Mommy, why did she say she wouldn't be lucky enough to get a soulmate like you? Could Emma have a lady soulmate or would her soulmate be a man?"_

Regina can’t answer these questions. She admires the woman’s independence and to a certain extent she understands her reasons for not wanting an allocated partner, but she wonders if Emma would truly rather risk never meeting anyone and being alone than to be matched. To Regina being matched with a soulmate makes sense. Since the system has been introduced there has been a much lower divorce rate than seventy or so years ago when relationships were left to chance encounters and couples hoping and guessing that a potential relationship might work. Certainly Regina’s relationship with Robin so far has been much easier and happier than her relationship was with the man her mother chose for her.

Regina wonders if Emma would prefer a female partner and that is why she has avoided being matched with a soulmate. Not that it’s not possible to be given a soulmate of the same gender, after much debate it was decided that if people felt strongly enough they could request a same sex match; however those doing so are required to sign a disclaimer acknowledging that the reliability of the system for identifying same sex soulmates is untested, as the compatibility of the matches has only been researched for opposite sex couples, who are after all much more likely to complement each other. 

None of this is something Regina would feel comfortable discussing with Henry. She wants him to feel free to make his own choices when he is older, but at the same time she does not want his life to be any more difficult than it needs to be, and although theoretically no methods of finding a partner and no types of relationship or gender of partner are forbidden, some options are a lot less socially acceptable than others. Regina does not want to encourage ideas that might lead her son to become an outsider, because she wants him to happy, she wants what is best for him. She is uneasily aware that her mother claimed the same motivation when arranging Regina’s marriage.  
Instead of answering Regina changes the subject whenever Henry asks these questions, talking to him about dragons, which is his current passion, or about Robin. Two weeks pass and she's met up with Robin several times and it's been relaxed and pleasant. Robin is easy-going, he never makes demands and never challenges or argues with her. She is pleased at how straightforward it is and they are making plans for him to meet Henry, as well as touching on longer term plans. She feels calm and untroubled for the first time in years and thinks this must be love.

Two and a half weeks pass since Emma stormed out and Regina has not heard from her despite her promise to return the clothes. Regina feels a little aggrieved that the blonde has not kept her word, but at the same time feels guilty for offending her. She wanted to protect Henry but had not meant to upset or judge Emma. 

Regina and Robin make plans to take Henry to the kennels that Saturday. Henry is upstairs playing in his bedroom when the doorbell rings and Emma is standing there in a white tank top and incredibly tight jeans holding a bunch of flowers and a bag and looking nervous. 

“Hi. I’m here to return your clothes. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m a thief as well as a bad influence on your son," Emma says light heartedly, but Regina can hear the hurt behind her comment. 

"Sorry it's taken so long,” she continues. “I had to go out of town for work and I didn't have your number to let you know. I got you these to apologize" she says, thrusting the flowers at Regina.

The flowers are simple, a mixture of few red roses and white lilies, but are far more tasteful than the large, multi-colored bunch of flowers that Robin gave her a few days ago. 

"Thank you, Ms Swan, but I think I am the one who should apologise. I may have come across as somewhat rude last time."

Before Emma gets a chance to respond a voice from upstairs calls out excitedly "Is Robin here?"

"No, not yet, he won't be here for a while" Regina replies, as Henry starts to descend the stairs.

"Emma!!" Henry exclaims excitedly and runs down the remaining stairs, before stopping shyly in front of her, looking like her wants to hug Emma, but uncertain as to whether he should.

"Hey kid!" she replies, looking equally as uncertain and opting for punching him gently on the shoulder. "I got you something" she says, pulling a double-ended pen out of her bag. 

"A pen, thank you Emma" he says politely, sounding a bit disappointed.

"It's not just a pen, it's a secret message pen. Can we go and sit down and I'll show you?" Emma asks, looking at Regina to check she is okay with this. Regina nods.

The three of the head into the kitchen and Emma pulls out a blank piece of paper.

“Here. I’ve made you a secret message already with my own pen.”

"There's nothing there," Henry points out.

"There is, it’s invisible. You need to color on the paper with the purple end of your pen to see it."

Henry colors, a look of concentration on his face.

"It's my name! And another word. And a smiley face. And what's that?"

"It says 'Hello Henry'. That is meant to be a hand waving, but it’s hard to draw properly when the ink is invisible. You try. You need to use the white end for your secret drawing, that's the invisible end."

Henry gets some paper and draws whilst Regina and Emma watch and then asks Emma to reveal the picture. It's not very clear but it looks like three people. 

"It's you and me and Mommy. I was going to draw Robin too, but I don't know what he looks like. You keep the picture Emma.” 

“Thanks, kid. No one’s drawn a picture of me before.”

“I will make lots of pictures of you next time I do some drawing or painting” Henry says earnestly.

“Do you want to see my toys now? Mommy can I show Emma my bedroom?"

"Yes, but don’t forget Robin is coming in an hour."

"An hour is not for ages” Henry replies, leading Emma upstairs.

Robin arrives earlier than the time planned and Regina feels slightly anxious that Emma has not yet left. Henry comes racing out of his room as Regina kisses her soulmate. 

"Slowly on the stairs, Henry" Regina warns. 

"Hello Robin. Do you like my dragon?" Henry asks, holding out a plastic toy. 

"Yes, it's very nice" replies Robin.

Emma comes downstairs.

"Robin, this is Emma.” Henry informs him.  
“She bought me a special pen and Mommy some flowers."

Emma holds out her hand and Robin shakes it.

"Robin, I can't wait to see all the dogs” Henry babbles.  
“Emma said it sounds exciting. Emma's never had a pet either, they weren't allowed in her group home."

Regina is taken aback by Henry's casual revelation about Emma's childhood but merely says “You know we won’t be getting a dog, Henry, we are out too much of the day to walk it.”

“I know, but I still can’t wait to see them. Why don’t you come with us Emma?”

"Henry, it's not up to you to invite people on a trip which Robin has organized."

"Sorry Robin" Henry apologizes. "Please will you invite Emma, Robin."

"Sure, okay," he says smiling politely. "If you would like to come Emma, you are welcome, there is room in my car." 

"Thanks, but I don't want to intrude."

"It's fine, I'll have lots of chances to spend time with Henry and Regina" Robin says, putting an arm around Regina’s shoulder.

"Come on Emma, it'll be fun!" Henry pleads.

Emma is animated on the journey, joining in Henry’s excited discussion about dogs, which leads into a debate about how dogs would react to dragons. Emma and Henry continue their conversation as they enter the kennels, but after they have looked at a few dogs Emma grows quieter. Most of the dogs seem excited to see visitors and come to the front of their kennel for attention, but there is one kennel where the dog stays at the back, and doesn’t respond when they call him. They move on to the next kennel, but Emma stays by this cage.

Robin shows Henry and Regina a few more dogs, but Emma remains in the same spot. Regina indicates to Robin to stay with Henry and goes back to the cage where Emma is standing. The information given he board about the dog is that his name is Alfie, he is thirteen years old, is wary of strangers but okay once you get to know him. Alfie has stayed at the back of the cage whilst Emma stands there watching him. He’s scruffy, with part of an ear missing and has also lost an eye.

“He’s given up. He knows no one will want him as part of their family. He’s too old and not cute enough.” Emma says, looking at Alfie, not Regina as Regina joins her.

“Do you want to see if we can walk him?” Regina offers, not knowing what else to say.

“No, there’s no point. I can’t get a dog, it wouldn’t fit in with my work. I have unpredictable hours and have to go away too often” Emma replies, still looking ahead and not at Regina.

They stand in silence for a few minutes until Henry and Robin join them. 

“Emma, you’ve missed lots of cute dogs, come and see” says Henry, grabbing her hand and dragging her away from Alfie’s cage. She smiles at Henry half-hearted and tries to respond to his enthusiasm, but Regina can tell her heart isn’t in it. On the journey back home Emma is subdued in the car and when they get back asks if she can just use the bathroom before she goes home. 

Regina notices Robin is looking sullen and asks him what’s wrong.

“I don’t mind Emma coming along, but she could have made more effort, instead of sulking about that old dog the whole time and spoiling the day.”

“She cares about him. She didn’t spoil the day, Henry still enjoyed himself” Regina says, touching Robin on the arm and smiling, trying to placate him.

“And she brought you red roses” Robin continues, seemingly on a roll now. “What kind of woman buys red roses for another woman, another woman who has a soulmate?” 

“This kind of woman” says Emma crossly, entering the room. “The kind of woman who chooses flowers for her new friend based on what she thinks she will like, instead of being dictated to by a ridiculous convention that suggests that the giving of certain types of flowers should be confined to romantic partners.” 

Regina is taken aback to hear that Emma thinks she is a friend, but before she has time to process this the blonde grabs her coat and bag, says a quick goodbye to Henry and once again storms out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I won't end every chapter with Emma storming off.


	3. Chapter 3

Regina is frustrated that Robin has offended Emma, but she can’t really hold it against him, buying red roses for a friend is unusual and he seems as thrown by Emma’s refusal to conform to usual norms as Regina had been and admittedly still is. Once Emma has gone Robin returns to his phlegmatic disposition; they have dinner with Henry and Regina invites him to spend the night. 

The next day, as soon as Robin has gone, Regina sends Emma a text.  
**_The flowers were perfect, but I do hope you are not going to end every visit in a strop, Ms Swan._**

That evening Emma replies with:  
**_Does that mean you’re still going to invite me round again?_**

Regina responses:  
**_You have never been invited, you just keep turning up_**

Regina doesn’t get a reply to the message that evening, but Emma continues the exchange the following morning:

**Emma: _Fine. Next time I accidentally take your bag, I’ll keep it_**

**Regina: _How many times are you planning on 'accidentally' taking my bag?_**

**Emma: _Probably just once more, so I can get hold of your keys and get a set cut. Then when you’re out I’ll come round and replace your sugar with salt._**

**Regina: _Is that really the best juvenile prank you can come up with Ms Swan?_**

**Emma: _Is that a challenge?_**

Regina doesn’t answer Emma’s last text. She knows that her communication style is frequently interpreted as cold, or sometimes rude, and typically people are either cold or angry back or just avoid further communication with her all together. No one before has responded with banter or an acknowledgement of the challenge, not that Regina specifically intended to challenge Emma to play a childish trick, but she had been curious to see Emma’s reply.

Two days pass and there is no further communication from Emma. Regina assumes that the blonde lost interest when Regina did not reply to her last text. Meanwhile Henry seems to be intent on imparting everything he learnt about Emma. He informs his mother that Emma lived in thirty-one different foster homes, as well as spending several years in a group home; that in one foster home where Emma was living they bought a kitten, which Emma was allergic to, so Emma had to leave; that foods she love include grilled cheese, bear claws, pancakes and lasagna; and that she spent a year in prison for something to do with stolen watches. Regina feels guilty being privy to information that Emma has not chosen to share with her herself, but at the same time she feels that Emma can’t expect to share this information with a five year old and for it to remain secret.

The next day Regina picks up Henry from his after school childcare and returns home to find a series of gnomes bordering the path to her front door. They are not just ordinary gnomes, they seem to be the most tacky and bizarre gnomes possible. There are male and female gnomes in swimwear, zombie gnomes, ninja gnomes, gnomes on skis, gnomes in football colors and a large dragon roaring at a swording-wielding gnome in armor. Regina is stunned and a little horrified that her neighbors may have seen and thought that she did it herself; Henry is delighted and wants to keep them all.

When she opens the front door there is a postcard on the floor, with a picture of a gnome on it, with writing on it that just says “Challenge accepted.” 

Regina texts Emma:  
**_My lawn seems to be suffering from an infestation of hideous creatures, is this your doing?_**

**Emma: _I have no idea what you’re talking about, but do these creatures make your house look more gnomely?_**

After work the following day Regina and Henry knock on the door to Emma’s flat. Emma is yawning and pulling on jeans as she opens the door. 

“Henry wanted to see where you live” explains Regina,  
“I didn’t realise you would still be in bed at 5.”

“All night stakeout” replies Emma, still yawning.  
“You want a coffee?”

“We can come back another time if you need to get some more sleep.”

“No, it’s fine, I need to get up now if I’ve got any chance of sleeping tonight. So, coffee?” 

Regina accepts the offer and Emma makes coffee for them and cocoa for Henry. Henry is excited to see his magic pen drawing stuck to Emma’s fridge.

“Mommy keeps all my drawings in a box, don’t you?”

“Yes, I want to look after them, so they don’t get damaged,” Regina explains.

Emma apologies awkwardly for not thinking of that.

“It’s alright Emma” Henry assures her. “If it gets damaged I can do you another picture. I’ve already done you some more pictures since last time” he states and asks Regina to get them out of her bag. Henry shows them all to Emma. There is one of Emma catching a ‘bad man,’ one of her fighting a dragon and one of Emma, Henry, Regina and Robin with Alfie, the dog from the kennels. Emma smiles at Henry and looks a little emotional. Henry continues talking.

“Mom bought bear claws she made, even though we’ve not had dinner yet.”

“She’s not put salt or chilies or something in mine has she?”

“Really Ms Swan, I wouldn’t do something so childish. Or so obvious.” Regina replies with a smirk.

They drink and then Emma shows them round. The main room has a couch and a kitchen area with a breakfast bar; the bedroom and bathroom are small and functional and there is a small garden which Emma tells them is shared with the woman who lives upstairs. 

Regina asks how long she’s lived there and Emma informs her it’s about five years now. Regina is surprised by this, as there are no photographs or other personal touches and Emma doesn’t seem to have much in the way of personal possessions.

“As a child I was always moving between foster homes. I learnt not to get attached to things because they would get stolen or broken by the other kids. I never really intended to stay in this town so long, I guess I just haven’t had anything I’ve wanted to escape from since I’ve been here.” 

Emma states this in a casual way, her hands in her pockets as she leans against the door frame to her bedroom, as if opening herself up like this is no big deal; but at the same time her green eyes penetrate Regina with an intense vulnerability as if she is waiting for the other woman to mock her. Regina, who has never really been close to anyone other than her father and Henry, and she supposes now Robin, doesn’t know how to respond to this, she keeps her emotions hidden and she is not used to other people being so unguarded with her. She responds with a mere,

“I’m sure Henry is glad you’ve not wanted to escape yet.”

“Just Henry?” Emma asks searchingly. 

“Well things have certainly been more eventful since I met you. I had to let Henry keep that dragon and gnome monstrosity, he would have happily kept them all if I’d let him.”

Regina doesn’t tell Emma that she put the rest in a box in her shed. Although she finds them tasteless they secretly amuse her, and she wants them as reminder of Emma, someone so different from anyone else she has ever known, who she anticipates will one day disappear from her and Henry’s life as suddenly as she joined it. 

“Emma, are you busy? Have you had dinner? Mommy said maybe we could get takeout pizza with you, but only if you aren’t busy. Mommy never lets me get takeout pizza, she says it’s really unhealthy, but today she said we can’t just come round and expect you to cook for us and that just this once it wouldn’t hurt if I have takeout.”

“Sure kid, I’m not busy and I love pizza. I’d offer to cook, but I don’t have much food in and I’m a terrible cook.”

They order pizza and eat it watching Despicable Me on Netflix, Henry assuring Emma from the outset that Gru isn’t that bad really and will end up loving the girls. At the start of the film they are sat on Emma’s only couch, with Henry in between Emma and Regina. Somehow by the end of the film he is lying asleep with his head on Regina’s lap and his feet on Emma’s lap. 

“I’d better wake him up and take him home. We really should have left earlier, before he fell asleep.”

“He can sleep in my bed if you like,” Emma offers awkwardly. “You can both stop over if you want, you can share the bed with Henry and I’ll sleep on the couch. I can lend you some pyjamas.”

After they get Henry into bed and return to the lounge there is an uncomfortable silence. Regina realizes it is the first time they’ve been alone together since their encounter in the restaurant and feels anxious that she has committed to spending the night there when they have not yet had a meeting that ended in a normal, civilized way. 

“Thank you for letting us sleep here, it’s better for Henry than him having to go back to sleep again once I get him home,” Regina says to break the silence.

“No problem.”

“We’ll get out of your way first thing. Robin is coming over at lunch time.”

“How are things going with your soulmate?”

“They’re going well, thank you.”

“Good,” Emma replies.  
“Are you in love?”

“I think so. We get on well, he is easy to spend time with, I think I will be happy with him.”

“That sounds nice. Calm. I always thought of love as being more intense. Someone who I can do crazy, impulsive things with, who makes me feel so much it is scary, who makes me want to be a better person.” 

“That sounds like a movie,” Regina replies dismissively. “Dramatic and romantic, but not very realistic.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe _they’re_ right and the soulmates match is the best chance of a successful long term relationship. I just want him or her to be someone I have chosen, who has chosen me.”

“Him or her?”

“Yes” Emma says defensively.

“Surely if you are attracted to both men and women you wouldn’t choose a female partner.”

“Why not?”

“Why make your life more difficult?”

“Because I don’t see why society should dictate the gender of my partner. If I fall in love with a woman I’m not going to ignore that just because it would be easier to be with a man.”

Regina suspects Emma must think her cowardly for choosing the easy option of being matched with a male soulmate and says as much. There is a flicker of something across Emma’s face, which could be her realizing that all other things being equal _(which they aren’t and never will be, as Regina’s mother had drummed into her when she caught her kissing a female friend as a teenager)_ that Regina would consider a female partner. Or it could be Emma trying to hide the fact she does think Regina is a coward. However the blonde assures her she understands that with Henry to think of it makes sense for Regina to want the stability of a soulmate and that Robin seems like a nice enough guy.

Emma reduces the intensity of the conversation by regaling her with a tale of her neighbor Mary-Margaret,  
“…Mary-Margaret?!” Regina queries with a smirk.

“Yes, and she has the personality you would expect of someone called Mary-Margeret,”

… Mary Margaret, who really believed in soulmates and was eagerly awaiting a match, only to meet a man, David, just before she turned thirty, who she immediately fell for, head-over-heels. Mary-Margaret had been torn as to whether or not she should still accept a soulmate match, but she believed that would be better for her in the long term than someone she had chosen herself, so went ahead and ended up being matched with David… “which just shows that the soulmates matching can get it right sometimes,” Emma concedes in conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longish wait for an update. Life is busy and Christmas preparations were time consuming, and I have discovered it takes a lot more thought/work to write AU than it does to write something that diverges from a set canon point.


	4. Chapter 4

Regina has never really had friends as an adult, but observed that other peoples’ friendships appeared to be easy; drinking wine in trendy bars talking about work and which actors are attractive, sitting on a bench chatting whilst their children play in the park together, in-jokes and a casual affection and mutual understanding that comes after getting to know someone well. 

With Emma there are some of these things. They drink wine, although this tends to be at Regina’s house once Henry is bed, and one time after sufficient alcohol had been consumed Regina named female as well as male actors she found attractive, a big admission for Regina to which Emma just comments that her taste in women is only slightly better than her taste in men. They sit on benches in parks watching Henry play, although sometimes Regina will find herself sitting alone after Henry demands that Emma participate in some fantasy game he has invented. Occasionally Regina even lets the two of them coerce her into taking part. 

Sometimes being friends with Emma is easy, but they are both too abrasive for things to be all plain sailing. Regina’s way of demonstrating affection is through sarcasm and jibes, which for the most part Emma is fine with but now and then Regina hits a spot that Emma is sensitive about. Emma is a combination of bold impulsive actions and shy insecurities. She is unnervingly open with her thoughts and emotions, she says what is on her mind and shares deeply personal information in a way that Regina doesn’t know how to respond to. Regina anticipates a day when Emma realizes that Regina is not worth the effort it takes to be friends with her. 

One time when Emma returns to the kitchen after Henry had asked her to put him to bed she is fuming. 

“Henry says you’ve told him that one day I might not be here to play with him,” Emma says, glaring across the breakfast bar at her. 

“You told him I might leave or make different friends.”

“I don’t want Henry to get too upset if you are no longer part of his life. You might get bored of us and you’ve said yourself you weren’t planning on staying in town forever.” Regina fires back.

“No, I said I _hadn’t_ been planning on staying here forever, but things change. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to abandon Henry. Growing up I was constantly deserted by adults who had been part of my life. I won’t do that do the kid.” 

“Good,” replies Regina, hoping Emma means it. Henry clearly idolizes Emma and it is good for him to have another person who cares about him in his life.

Another time they are in the park with Emma and Regina sitting on a bench chatting, watching as Henry methodically climbs the steps of the slide, pauses at the top to make sure they are watching him before sliding down happily and then walking back to the steps to repeat the process. As he does this some teenagers start picking on him, making comments about him having a young mother. Regina walks over and gets Henry and tells him they’re leaving; as they’re walking away one of the boys calls out,

“Your mother is a slut. I bet you were a mistake and she didn’t want to have you!” 

Before Regina realizes what is happening Emma has the boy by his collar and is pulling him up so he has to stand on his toes.

“You have no idea what you are talking about, how dare you call anyone names like that. People who don’t want their children dump them in care and they get passed from one foster home to another. That kid is wanted and well cared for. He couldn’t ask for a better mother who loved him more!” 

She lets go of the boy and storms over to Regina and Henry. Regina can see another mother staring at them in disapproval. She walks briskly out of the park. When they are a safe distance away Regina hisses,

“Do you think this is the first time I’ve heard those comments?! Henry knows I love him. I don’t need you to fight my battles, you’re not Henry’s mother.” Regina regrets her words the moment they have left her mouth. Emma looks stung.

“I know I’m not Henry’s mother. I’d be a lousy mother, I’m unreliable, eat junk food and lose my temper with stupid teenagers. But even if I have no right to do so, I care about Henry,” she says fiercely.

“I know you do. I’m glad you care and I don’t think you’d make an entirely terrible mother,” replies Regina and Emma looks slightly less hurt. 

“I think you’d be a good Mommy” says Henry, taking Emma’s hand, so he is in the middle of Emma and Regina, holding hands with them both.

“What’s a slut?” he then asks, dramatically shifting topic.

“It’s a bad word that people use to be mean to certain types of women,” Regina replies, hoping this is a sufficient answer. “You must never use that word, Henry.”

Emma crouches down and faces Henry.

“Slut is a word people use to try to make women feel that it is wrong for them to behave in certain ways, like if they want to date people before they meet their soulmate or to have a child when they are young and don’t yet have a soulmate. Those boys were being rude just because your Mom had you at a younger than normal age. But I think your Mom was very lucky to have you when she was younger. It means she’s already had you to love for five years now.” 

Later, when Henry is in bed, Regina tries to make up for her earlier comment by opening up a bit. She talks about Leo, and how even though she hated being married to him she wouldn’t change her past because Leo gave her Henry. She tells Emma she’s grateful to have a soulmate who accepts Henry, because not many people would have wanted to be with a thirty year old woman who is a single mother to a boy of five. Then she finds herself blurting out,

“It’s my fault Henry doesn’t have a father anymore.”

“It’s not your fault Leo died.”

“It is….. I came in from the garden one day to get drink and Leo was having a heart attack and suddenly I saw the glimmer of possibility of a happier future. I went back into the garden as if I hadn’t seen him and continued pruning my apple tree. Twenty minutes later I came back in and called an ambulance when I knew it was too late. 

“So now Henry has no father. And the worst thing about it is I know if I could go back in time I’d make the same decision again. I would choose to leave Henry fatherless in order to escape from my marriage.” 

Regina realizes she is crying and she hates it. Hates this display of weakness, hates that she has confessed to Emma and placed this burden on her in a pathetic attempt to try and cope with the guilt. 

Emma says nothing and looks at her like she is trying to decide what to say or how to act. In the end Emma awkwardly puts her arms around her. Regina is stiff and Emma is stiff too at first, but as Regina, to her chagrin, continues to cry Emma relaxes into the hug. She doesn’t tell Regina that what she did was okay, she doesn’t tell her it was wrong, she just holds her.


	5. Chapter 5

If someone had told Regina a few months ago that she would one day find herself in a park holding a bag of excrement at arm’s length whilst trying to stop a geriatric one-eyed dog start a fight with a much bigger dog and simultaneously making sure that Henry doesn’t wander off she would have made an acerbic comment about their sanity. Yet here she is now.

She decides it’s all Robin’s fault. If he didn’t work in a dog rescue center this never would have happened. 

It had started a few weeks ago with a conversation with Robin about his day at work. 

“Your friend showed up again.”

“What do you mean?”

“That strange blonde woman that Henry is always talking about…”

“Emma. She’s not strange.”

“…unusual then, whatever. She was at the kennels again today.” 

“Again?”

“Yes, she comes at least once a week, I assumed you knew. She comes and stares at that old dog Alfie, and each time asks if anyone has adopted him yet.”

This revelation had stunned her. Emma had never again mentioned Alfie or the kennels to Regina, but from what Robin had just said it was clear that the dog’s wellbeing was important to Emma. Regina convinced Robin to pull some strings at work and Regina and Henry had turned up at Emma’s flat with Alfie in tow. 

Emma frowned when she saw the dog. “What are you doing with him?” she asked sullenly.

“Robin said one of their volunteers who walks the dogs called in sick and he asked if we would mind helping,” Regina lied. “So Henry and I thought we’d see if you wanted to join us walking Alfie.”

Emma looked unconvinced and no less sullen, so Regina added, “Henry is excited and he really wants you to join us.” Henry confirmed this by beaming at Emma and she smiled back.

“Okay, kid, I’m not doing anything else, so I guess I can join you. I never had your mother down as the dog walking type. The emotional manipulation doesn’t surprise me though.” 

They had walked Alfie. When they threw sticks for him he would run enthusiastically in the right general direct but then seem to forget why he was running and come back to sniff at the ground near them, constantly checking to make sure they were all still there. After they’d been throwing sticks for a while he had stopped running after them and started lagging behind. As dogs went Regina thought this one-eyed, one-and-a-half-eared, scruffy dog who wouldn’t even fetch a stick was a bit of a poor specimen, but Emma was enamored and Henry also seemed taken with him. 

When it was time to return Alfie to the rescue center Emma had looked distraught as she spoke to him. “Sorry buddy, we have to take you back now, this was just a one off. I wish I could adopt you but with my job I work strange hours and sometimes stay away from home, so I couldn’t look after you all the time.”

“Couldn’t your neighbor look after him when you were away?” Regina asked.

“I can’t ask her,” replied Emma with a pained expression. “She’s the kind of person who’s too nice to refuse, even if she really hates the idea, so I could never ask her for something like that. She’d also secretly judge me for getting a dog that I wasn’t able to look after.”

“The how about Henry and I look after him when you can’t?” Regina had offered, the words falling from her lips before she’d even registered her decision. “I promise to only judge you for reasons unrelated to your occasional need to have someone look after your dog.” 

“Really?” asked Emma, her smile lighting up her face, and although Regina’s offer had been rash she knew that she would have agreed to look after five dogs if it meant Emma would smile with such unguarded delight again. 

Henry had also been bouncing with excitement. “Can he sleep in my bedroom when we look after him?”

“Absolutely not!”  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that Emma has adopted Alfie Regina decides the next step is to find her a partner. After all she is sure there must be _someone_ out there who will be charmed by Emma’s combination of tough hot-headness, disarmingly honest vulnerability, fierce loyalty and an inability to cook anything more complicated than a grilled cheese. 

However finding Emma a partner is made somewhat difficult by the fact that a) Regina doesn’t really have any friends and so has no potential source of matches, b) almost everyone over thirty is in a relationship and most people under thirty are enjoying being single until it’s time to meet their soulmate and c) Emma does not seem very enthusiastic about meeting anyone new.

Regina’s first attempt is a dinner party. She invites an older married colleague, Bruce, and his wife and another colleague, Richard, who is a single man in his late twenties. She suspects that the two men only come because they are too frightened to turn down an invitation from their formidable boss. 

Everyone is dressed smartly (Richard, in a suit he frequently wears to work) except for Emma, who is wearing her usual tight jeans and a sweater. Admittedly Regina may have neglected to mention it was a dinner party when she invited her round. Emma looks unimpressed when she realizes there are other people there and after Regina seats her next to Richard the blonde starts casting Regina dirty looks and downing her wine whilst asking passive-aggressive questions about what it is like to work for Regina. Richard looks petrified, especially when Emma switches to blatantly flirting with him instead.

“Tell me, Richie boy, did Regina inform you when she invited you for dinner that she was trying to set you up with her sad, single friend?” she asks, fluttering her eyelashes at him in an over-the-top coquettish manner whilst pulling him closer to her by his tie. “Do you want to know what makes my case even sadder? _I’m thirty-one,_ ” she stage whispers. 

For once Emma is not the fastest person to finish her meal and Richard is making his excuses to leave the moment he sets his fork down at the end of dessert. Bruce and his wife are not far behind. Regina contemplates asking Robin to drive Emma home as he has not been drinking, but seeing as the two of them have a strange knack for never interacting directly Regina wonders if there would be undesirable consequences of forcing the two of them to spend time alone together. Although she is furious with Emma she doesn’t want put her in a taxi when she is this drunk so Regina decides to send Robin to fetch Alfie and banishes Emma to the guest bedroom, refusing to engage in conversation with her.

The next morning Regina hears Henry chatting cheerfully to Alfie and sends them to wake Emma up and ask her to take them to the park. Henry comes and finds his mother again and says in concern “Emma said she feels really ill. She also said to tell you you are evil. Is Emma saying mean things because she is poorly?”

“Go and tell Emma that it is her own fault that she feels ill and she needs to take responsibility for walking her dog.”

Robin steps in at this point. “I’ll take you and Alfie to the park, Henry, and we can leave your Mom and Emma to sort out their differences.”

Regina takes a cup of coffee in to Emma, turning the light on and drawing the curtains as she enters the room. Emma groans and buries her head under a pillow. Regina glowers at her.

“Robin has taken your dog for a walk with Henry. You need to be dressed by the time they get back.”

“God, Regina, is this some kind of punishment for me getting drunk last night?” comes Emma’s muffled reply from under the pillow.

“You did not just get drunk, although clearly your hangover is as a direct consequence of the amount you imbibed. You also deliberately intimidated Richard and mocked me in front of people I have to manage.”

“I was just flirting with him. Surely the whole point of this dinner you invited me to under false pretenses was to try and set us up?” Emma counters, sitting up and then groans again “I’m going to be sick!” she says running for the bathroom. 

Regina follows her and holds her hair back whilst Emma vomits. She is annoyed that she had allowed herself to believe the dinner party would be a good idea and annoyed that Emma behaved the way she did. She also feels inexplicably angry by the fact that Emma is currently wearing only a tank top and panties.

In between bouts of vomiting, whilst still holding Emma’s hair, Regina hisses, “Is it so wrong of me to try and help you meet someone? I thought you might be lonely.”

After another period of throwing up, Emma puts the lid of the toilet down and lowers her head onto it. “I’m sorry, okay!” Emma mutters. “Don’t spring any more match making attempts on me and I’ll try and behave myself if I ever meet anyone you know in future. But please will you let me go back to bed for another couple of hours.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

Regina doesn’t give up on finding Emma a partner, but after the disastrous dinner party decides she needs a different approach and takes Emma to an out of town bar for women, working on the hypothesis that maybe some lesbians are averse to having to sign a disclaimer to be matched with a soulmate and so more open to the idea of meeting someone independently.

They sit and drink and after Regina suggests a few potential women none of whom Emma finds attractive the blonde eventually points out someone she likes.

“That woman in the incredibly short skirt?” asks Regina disdainfully, not impressed by Emma’s choice. Regina nevertheless approaches the woman and persuades her to join them for drinks and the woman sits with them for a while before she makes an excuse and leaves.

“Her loss” huffs Regina, “I don’t think she was right for you anyway.”

“Who knows” shrugs Emma. “I don’t think there will be many women who will stick around for long enough to find out when they are being interrogated by you about their prospects and intentions.”

After a failed attempt to introduce another woman to Emma they decide to give in, and walk for a few blocks to catch a taxi, as it is not wise for them to have a taxi driver knowing the type of bar they have been to.

The taxi driver is an unappealing lothario with chest hair coming out of the top of a v-necked shirt who is in need of a shave. He introduces himself to them as Killian with a leer that Regina can only assume he is deluded enough to think makes him look attractive. He keeps crudely flirting with Emma, so Regina ensures they drop Emma off at her apartment first so that Killian is not alone with her. The rest of the journey involves her making cutting remarks to his attempts at conversation and she pays him the exact fare to the cent when she is dropped off.

A few days later Regina and Henry drop in unexpectedly on Emma. There is delay in her answering the door and when she does and Emma lets them in Killian emerges from the bedroom a few moments later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started planning this story there wasn't going to be any dog-based fluffiness. But once I decided that Robin worked in a dog rescue center it became obvious that Emma was going to relate to a dog.
> 
> Probably if you do borrow such a dog to walk it would be sensible to only let it off the lead in an enclosed space, but that seemed an unnecessary restriction for this story.


	6. Chapter 6

Regina would not say she despises Killian, because that would be to award him more significance than he deserves, but she certainly does not like the man. He does not seem to have any personality beyond a belief in his own appeal and an unwavering conviction that his crude innuendos are witty and charming. He seems to have become a fixture in Emma’s life and although the blonde never really shows any great enthusiasm for him she has yet to get rid of him either.

Regina has noticed that if she is at Emma’s apartment and Killian shows up Emma will tell him she is busy, but if Killian is there and Regina makes an unannounced visit Emma will rarely send her away. Regina readily takes advantage of this, showing up with Henry at times she knows Killian is likely to be there, suggesting plans that don’t involve Killian and smirking at him behind Emma’s back when the blonde casually asks him to leave. Even so Regina still ends up spending a lot more time than she would like in the company of the cretin.

After the latest occasion when she has had to spend time with Killian she is particularly annoyed. Emma had tried to send him away, but he’d whined about not seeing her all week and he did not see how him staying when all they had planned was to watch a movie would do any harm.

They’d watched The Little Mermaid and when Regina had eased Henry off her lap to go and make a drink she’d come back to find Henry sitting on Emma’s lap and Killian with his arm around Emma like the three of them were some happy little family. Emma and Henry had moved to the corner of the sofa with Killian in the middle so she was forced to sit next to Killian whilst he made inane comments throughout the rest of the movie.

“That man is so vile” she informs Robin when he comes over that evening.

“What’s Killian done now?”

“He was making misogynistic comments about how Prince Eric was lucky to have a woman who couldn’t answer back. I don’t like Henry being exposed to that kind of attitude.”

“I’m sure he meant it as a harmless joke. If you and Henry want to keep spending time with Emma then I think you have to accept her boyfriend. You’re the one who was so keen for her to meet someone.”

“I was keen for her to meet someone decent, I did not expect her to get together with an imbecile.”

“Maybe you just need to make an effort to get to know him better. Why don’t you invite the two of them round for dinner one evening?”

Robin somehow manages to convince her to agree to this, although she insists it will just be for drinks because she is not going to cook for Killian. Robin then changes the subject.

“I want to learn archery.”

“Archery?” Regina is nonplussed. 

“Yes, I think I’d be good at it. There’s this holiday I’ve seen where they do archery lessons.”

“Okay, if that is something you are interested in.”

“You don’t mind if I book the holiday then?”

“No that’s fine” she says distractedly, wondering whether, if she gets Killian drunk enough so he behaves even worse than usual, Emma will realize she could do much better. 

\-------------------------------- 

Regina regrets agreeing to Robin’s ridiculous plan within five minutes of Emma and Killian arriving. Regina and Emma’s friendship involves Henry, but Robin and Killian are not a part of it and this whole evening feels forced. Robin and Emma have always seemed indifferent to each other and she doesn’t see how a few drinks will change that or make her like Killian. 

Robin asks Emma how Alfie is, to which she gives a brief reply before there is awkward silence. Killian fills the silence by talking about how, on what sounds like the single occasion that he walked Alfie with Emma, Emma was the hottest woman by far and how unattractive all the rest of the dog walkers were. Regina hates the way Killian objectifies Emma. She doesn’t doubt that Emma was the most attractive dog-walker, but there is more to her than just her toned limbs, golden locks and captivating eyes. 

She escapes to the kitchen before she says something she regrets and is joined by Emma; the two of them end up staying there for most of the evening, chatting. Emma is just offering to “have words with” a boy in Henry’s class who is picking on him when the men, who seem to have been getting on disturbing well once left alone, come and find them. Killian mention’s Robin’s archery holiday and makes a joke about how he’ll have to be careful around Regina once she has learnt how to handle a longbow.

“Luckily for you, it’s just Robin who is going on the holiday. Although don’t worry, if I wanted to kill you I would find another way,” she replies, not entirely joking. 

“No, we’re all going; you, me and Henry,” Robin corrects her. “You agreed to me booking the holiday.”

“I said I was happy for you to go on the holiday. There was no discussion of Henry and me joining you.”

“You’re my soulmate, of course you’re going to come on holiday with me. We need to spend more time together, at the moment I think you probably see more of Emma than you do of me.”

Emma flushes and announces she needs to get back to Alfie, ushering Killian out with her. After they leave the conversation with Robin continues in a heated manner; Regina supposes she should be grateful that this is the first time they’ve argued. 

Robin, who is normally easy going, is insistent that he doesn’t get to spend enough time with Regina and that as soulmates all their holidays should be together. When she points out it would involve taking Henry out of school he does not seem bothered.

“He’s five, he’s a bright boy, it won’t do him any harm to miss a few days.”

“And what’s he supposed to do whilst we’re learning how to use a bow and arrow?”

“I don’t know, maybe they’ll be a local playgroup he can go to or something.”

“You haven’t considered him at all, have you?”

“I’m not used to planning for a child. It’s not like I was expecting my soulmate to come with a five year old.”

“If that’s how you feel I think you should leave,” Regina states icily. “I imagine if you explain the circumstances they’ll agree to match you to a more suitable soulmate, one without a child.”

Robin attempts to placate her, explaining that he does want to be with her, and with Henry, who is a “lovely lad”, he just meant that having a child to think about was new for him. She calms down somewhat, but suggests that he goes home for now and they discuss the holiday again in few days.

Regina spends the next few days agonizing. She knows that it was a lot to expect someone to take on her child as well as her. She thinks if she was less selfish, if she was brave an virtuous like Emma, she would have opted out of being matched to a soulmate, so she wouldn’t have been forcing anyone to accept Henry.

Emma doesn’t agree. Emma fiercely tells her that any sensible person would be delighted to have Henry in their life; Emma is very lucky that they are both a part of hers. Emma says that soulmate or not, Regina hasn’t forced Robin to take on Henry, it’s not like the soulmate matching is legally binding, he has the option to leave.

Regina needs to make it work with Robin. She has already deprived Henry of his biological father, she won’t jeopardize the chance for him to have an alternative father-figure in his life.

Emma tells her she doesn’t have to make it work, that she still has choices. Henry is happy and well-adjusted and Regina had clearly been doing a good job as a single mother. Regina doesn’t ask Emma, who is so keen on choices, who chose to be single rather than to let the system dictate her partner, why she now seems to have chosen to settle for someone with whom she seems diminished.


	7. Chapter 7

In the end Regina and Robin reach a compromise regarding the holiday, which makes neither of them particularly happy. They agree that Regina will come for a long weekend at the start of the holiday, taking Henry out of school for a day, and the Robin will stay on for the rest of the week by himself. When Emma hears of the plan she offers to look after Henry instead, so he doesn’t miss school. Regina is initially reluctant, but when she tentatively suggests it to Henry he is excited about the idea of having Emma to himself for a few days.

At this point Regina actually starts to think the holiday might be a good thing, it will give her and Robin some time alone together. After all the tension she hopes Robin is going to enjoy the holiday; he is more enthusiastic about learning archery than he has been about anything else since she’s known him and she thinks it will be good for him to have a hobby.

They go away and Regina does not enjoy the holiday at all. She learns that she is competent at archery but it bores her as much as it enthralls Robin. They don’t get to spend any time alone together because their evenings are spent in the bar with the other people on the holiday. Robin chats with them merrily, but Regina loathes having to make small talk with inebriated people with whom she has nothing in common and will probably never see again. It is the loneliest she has felt since before Leo died and she ends up calling Emma and Henry several times a day, ostensibly to make sure that he is not missing her. 

Regina gets back from the trip late on Monday tonight to find Henry asleep on the sofa curled up under a duvet with his feet in Emma’s lap. Emma has stayed at Regina’s house as it has a guest room and as it caused the least disruption for Henry.

“Hi” says Emma, smiling sheepishly. “I did try to put Henry to bed but he was too excited to sleep, he has lots he wants to tell you, so in the end I said he could wait downstairs. He fell asleep after I read him a couple of stories.”

“That’s fine. I’m going to put him back to bed now though” Regina replies, and she gently wakes Henry up.

“Mommy, I stayed up to see you!”

“I can see,” she says, smiling at him. “I hope you’ve been good for Emma.”

“I’ve been very good. Me and Emma and Alfie went to a new park and I played with some bigger boys. Me and Emma made a tent in my room and ate pizza in the tent, but then Alfie came in and tried to steal the pizza.”

“It sounds like you had lots of fun. You can tell me all about it tomorrow.”

Regina puts Henry to bed where he quickly falls asleep, she then goes back downstairs and joins Emma in the lounge, relieved to be in the company of someone where polite small talk is not required.

“Is something wrong?” the blonde asks. “I hope you don’t mind me feeding Henry pizza and things, it was just as a treat. If I was looking after him long term I would give him healthy food” she says flushing. “Or you know, I would if I was responsible for any kid.”

“It’s not that,” Regina replies, sighing. “I just didn’t enjoy the weekend.”

“Did Robin do something to upset you?”

“No, not really, but I might have well not been there. Every day we did archery and then each evening he wanted to drink with the other people on the trip. I don’t know why he was so adamant that I go with him when we didn’t spend any meaningful time together.”

“You know, just because he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean you have to stay with him if you’re not happy.”

“One bad weekend is hardly justification for ending a relationship.”

“No,” Emma agrees. “Not if you’re happy most of the time. Are you?”

“I’m fine. Robin is nice, he hardly ever argues and he doesn’t mind babysitting. Are you happy with Killian?”

“We have fun. But that’s different, I’m not expecting it to last. Sooner or later he’ll get bored or it will be time for him to get matched to a soulmate and in the meantime it’s not like there’s anyone else single that I find attractive.”

It’s late, so Emma stays the night and the next day she offers to pick Henry up from school and she ends up staying the night again. Regina tells her she is welcome to stay until Robin returns on Saturday, it’s nice to have the company, however on Thursday Killian wants to see Emma, he apparently has something he wants to tell her, so Emma returns home.

On Friday evening Emma comes round unexpectedly and seems to be agitated. Regina demands to know if Killian did something to upset her.

“He didn’t do anything wrong, he just had some news that surprised me. But I don’t want to talk about Killian.”

“Okay...”

“I just need to know. Are you sure you want to be with Robin? You don’t think you could be happier without him?”

“We’ve already had this conversation, Emma. Yes, I want to be with Robin, he is my soulmate, so no, I don’t think I would be happier without him. Why are you asking?”

“I just wanted to know you were sure. I’d better go now,” and Emma exits as abruptly as she arrived, leaving Regina wondering what on earth that was about.

\------------------------------------------------------

Following that strange conversation Regina sees very little of Emma. Initially she thinks her friend is just busy, but the more time passes the more Regina senses that Emma is avoiding her. The blonde still sees Henry, texting Regina to ask if it’s okay to pick him up from school and look after him for a few hours, but whenever she drops him home she always has a reason to rush off. When Regina tries to make plans to see her she says she can’t either because she is working or seeing Killian. Regina tries showing up unannounced a few times, but Emma says that Killian is on his way over, or that she’s just about to go out. 

Regina does not want to confront her about it, but in the end she decides that if Emma no longer wants to be friends with her she should at least try to find out the reason. She sends Emma a message saying she needs to talk to her and demanding Emma names a time when she is free. Emma suggests a time when Regina is supposed to be going on a date with Robin, but she accepts, as she doesn’t want to risk Emma not offering an alternative. Robin isn’t happy about rearranging the date, but he does mutter that if seeing Emma will make Regina less bad tempered then it will be worth it.

Emma comes round and as soon as she’s sat down Regina asks her if she’s done something to upset or offend her. Emma says that she hasn’t.

“But you have been avoiding me?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I just need to,” Emma replies, sounding pained.

“Why?”

“It’s because of Killian.”

“Has he told you not to see me anymore?”

“No! I wouldn’t let him tell me who I can be friends with.”

“Then I fail to understand why you have been avoiding me.”

“I thought Killian was maybe twenty-seven or twenty-eight, but it turns out he was twenty-nine and now he’s thirty. The other day, when he had something he wanted to tell me, his announcement was that he’d just turned thirty and had a few weeks before that had decided to opt out being matched to a soulmate. Because he wants to be with me. So now I owe it to him to try to make it work.”

“That sounds manipulative, you don’t owe him anything…” Regina counters and is going to continue, but Emma interrupts.

“Maybe I don’t owe him anything. Maybe I want to make it work for my own sake. I wanted someone who would be with me out of choice and that’s what I’ve got with Killian.”

“Either way, I still do not understand why making it work with Killian means you have to stop being friends with me.”

Emma gives her sad, penetrating look.

“The fact that you don’t understand why I need to do this just reinforces the need to do it. I don’t think me explaining further will help either of us, sorry.

“I think I should go now. Look after yourself and Henry.” 

And with that Emma kisses Regina gently on the lips and walks out of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't (prematurely) hate me. It's not the end yet, although there might just be one more chapter to go.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Thank you to everyone has left comments or kudos (or bookmarked the story). Feedback is always appreciated.

Of course the reality is that Emma’s exit is not such a clean break; it’s more a jagged tear than a smooth cut. There is an awkward encounter to return possessions of Emma’s and Alfie’s that she left behind after babysitting. There are text messages from Emma asking to see Henry, a request which Regina declines even though Henry is clearly missing Emma, because it’s better that he is hurt now than he grows closer to her and then hurts more when she chooses to abandon him in the way that she has abandoned Regina. And even after the contact between the two women ceases there is the lasting impact that knowing Emma has had on her life.

Regina now has Henry’s most recent art work stuck to her fridge and only once it has been replaced with something more recent does it go in a box; as an occasional treat Regina and Henry sometimes eat take-away pizza or other unhealthy food; Regina has kept the casual trousers and comfortable shoes she bought for walking Alfie and she wears them for playing outdoor fantasy games which Henry has invented, and she can’t yet bring herself to get rid of the collection of hideous gnomes which reside in the shed.

Regina curses the day she ever met Emma, because if she had never known Emma she wouldn’t be missing her now; if she had never known Emma she would be content with the life she has, she would consider herself lucky to have Robin as a soulmate and would not question the validity or existence of the soulmate matching system. 

Regina wishes there had at least been a good reason for Emma’s decision to remove herself from Regina’s life. If they had had a big argument, if Regina had done something unforgiveable, then at least she would feel she deserved to lose a friend, but as it is Emma has disappeared without even telling Regina why.

Except sometimes, late at night when she can’t sleep, Regina thinks that maybe she does know the reason. She thinks of Emma’s soft kiss and remembers the way Emma sometimes looked at her and Henry like they were her everything, Regina considers how much easier it would be to be with Robin if she had never known Emma and she thinks maybe she does understand why Emma thought avoiding Regina would help her relationship with Killian. 

At these times, when she is too tired to filter her thoughts, she thinks about _what if_. What if society was more tolerant and accepting, what if she had requested a female soulmate and Emma had too, what if Regina had never met Robin and Emma had never met Killian, what if society was no different but Regina was braver and more willing to accept uncertainty and more willing to accept being different, what if when Emma had kissed her Regina had kissed her back.

But then later, when she is less tired and more rational she knows these thoughts are dangerous, wanting what she can’t have is not helpful for anyone and even if she did consider Emma as a potential partner she cannot believe that someone like Emma would really want to be with someone like her. Robin is her soulmate, he is solid and reliable and she trusts that he will be there for her and for Henry. Even without Robin she would not want to expose Henry to the ridicule he would receive for having a mother who was not just younger, but also _like that_. It is far safer to put Emma out of her mind and to move on without thinking about why it might be that Emma is no longer around.

A few months pass. Henry turns six and has a tantrum when Regina says he can’t invite Emma to his birthday party but then does not mention her again. Things are going okay with Robin and he has put his flat on the market and is preparing to move in with them, Regina’s job is going well and if life is less colorful than it was before at least everything is calm and settled. Until one day at work when Regina’s secretary is off and Regina is stuck in a meeting for most of the morning. She comes out of the meeting to find several anxious messages on her phone.

_“Hello, this is Henry’s teacher, Mrs Mitchell. Henry’s had an accident. It’s nothing too serious but we’re taking him to the hospital to get him checked out. Please could you give me a call or meet us at the hospital.”_

_“This is Mrs Mitchell again. We got hold of Robin, he said he is tied up at the moment and will come over in an hour or so if we haven’t managed to get hold of you by then.”_

_“Hello, just to let you know we have spoken to Emma and she is on the way to the hospital. Please give us a call or come to the hospital as soon as you can.”_

Regina doesn’t waste time telephoning the school, she drives to the hospital as fast as she is able, finds out where Henry is on and races to the ward. She finds Henry in a bed with a stitches on his cheek and a plaster cast with a bad drawing in ball point pen on it of what she thinks might be a dragon, or possibly a deformed bird projectile vomiting. Emma is sitting on a chair next to him telling him a story.

“What happened? Is he alright?” Regina asks Emma anxiously.

“He fell off the climbing frame at school. Other than the broken arm, a bump on his head and the cut on his cheek he’s fine. They want to keep him in overnight for observation just to be safe as he had a bit of concussion when he first fell, but they’re not really worried. Luckily the break is a simple one and he doesn’t need surgery.”

“I’ve got stitches like a pirate! I didn’t like them sewing my face, but Emma says I was really brave. They took a special photograph of my arm and I could see my bones. This plaster is going to make my arm better. Emma drew a dragon but she didn’t have any pens to color it in with, she said she’d color it in later.”

“You must have been very brave. I’m sorry I only just got here, I came as soon as I found out you’d been hurt. I was in a meeting before and so your school could not get hold of me.”

“I know. Emma told me that she knew you loved me very much and you would come as soon as you knew. I wanted you to come but Emma looked after me.” 

“It’s very kind of Emma to look after you.”

Regina turns to Emma, “I appreciate you being here for Henry, but how did you even know he was in hospital?”

“The school still have my details as a contact from when I used to sometimes pick him up from school. When they couldn’t get hold of you and Robin was busy thye phoned me, I think they were a bit desperate. Once I got here I told Henry’s teacher I’d stay with him and she could go. I had to convince her, because I think she’s a bit scared of you, so be nice when you speak to her.”

“I’ll get the school to take you off their contact list” Regina says stiffly.

“Do that if it makes you feel better, but I’ll always be happy to be here for Henry. And I know he’d rather have you or Robin, but I think Henry was glad I came too.”

“I wouldn’t rather have Robin” Henry pipes up. 

“Don’t you like Robin?” asks Regina, concerned.

“I like Robin, but I like Emma better.”

“Aw kid, that’s lovely, but I’m sure you’ll change your mind when you get to know Robin better.”

“Change your mind about what?” queries Robin’s voice from the doorway. “And what are you doing here Emma?”

“The school called Emma because you told them you were busy,” Regina informs him icily.

“Hey Henry, want to check out the playroom with me?” asks Emma. “Maybe they’ll have colored pens and I can finish that dragon.”

“Okay” says Henry happily and the two of them head off.

“What were you doing that meant you couldn’t come here?” Regina asks, the moment Henry is out of earshot. 

“Work was busy, we had a couple of new dogs that needed sorting out.”

“And your colleagues couldn’t have managed without you? Henry’s six. He’s never been to hospital before. He had to have an x-ray and stitches and people he didn’t know examining him. If Emma hadn’t come he would have had to go through that by himself.”

“I’m sure his teacher would have stayed with him.”

“That’s hardly the point.”

“No? Then what is the point? Is it how great Emma is and how rubbish I am?”

“Stop acting like a child. This is not about Emma, it’s about you and your lack of interest in Henry’s welfare. We don’t need someone like you in our lives, I think it would be better for everyone if we ended this relationship.”

“You’re being a bit rash. Let’s talk about it again when Henry is out of hospital.”

“I’m not going to change my mind.”

Robin storms out. Regina takes a few minutes to compose herself and then goes to find Henry in the playroom. The drawing on his cast is now green, but it still looks as much like a deformed bird as it does a dragon. There is a child of about seven enthusiastically filling the rest of the plaster cast with drawings whilst Henry cheerfully holds his arm out. 

“I see you have competition from another aspiring artist, Ms Swan,” Regina says, trying to be light-hearted although she suspects there may be a tremor in her voice.

“I don’t know about competition, he’s clearly far more talented than me” Emma jokes back. She moves away from Henry and the other child and quietly asks “Are you okay? Has Robin gone?”

“Yes. I broke up with him. Anyway, I appreciate you being here, but don’t you need to get back for Alfie now? Or Killian?”

“Killian and I split up. And I called Mary-Margaret, she said she could look after Alfie this evening. Why don’t you go home and pack yourself an overnight bag and I’ll stay with Henry until you get back.”

“Thank you.”

Regina goes home, packs a bag and when she returns Henry is sleeping.

“What happened with you and Killian?”

“He acted like because he had chosen me I should be grateful and I should be the perfect partner. I got fed up with him expecting everything to just fall into place and for us to live happily ever after. I couldn’t be what he wanted so I stopped trying.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not, not anymore.”

Regina tentatively asks, feeling like a fifth grader, “does that mean you are going to stop avoiding me, that we can go back to being friends?”

“Maybe we should wait until Henry is out of hospital to talk about this.”

“Henry’s asleep. I would like to talk about it now.”

“Okay. I would like to see Henry if you’ll let me and I’ll always be here for him if he needs me. I’ll be here for you if you need me. But I can’t be friends with you, it’s too hard when I want much more than that.”

Regina is stunned. Although she had entertained the possibility that this was why Emma had ended their friendship she never really allowed herself to believe that Emma wanted her in that way.

“I know it’s too soon, you just broke up with Robin and you’ve never considered a relationship with a woman. I don’t expect you to want to be with me, but that’s why it’s too hard for me to be friends with you.”

Regina does not know what to say and suspects she handles it badly. She tells Emma she can’t think about it now, whilst Henry is in hospital. She does agree that Emma can continue to see Henry.

Henry gets out of hospital and life continues in a semblance of normal. Regina does not miss Robin and feels guilty for not doing so. She also can’t stop thinking about Emma. She know it will have to be her who initiates anything now and she is scared. Emma sees Henry once or twice a week and each contact Regina has with her is painful. Emma smiles at her and is friendly, but beneath her smile is raw emotion and she only takes the minimum amount of time necessary to collect or drop of Henry.

Regina wants to be with Emma, more than she has wanted anything (besides Henry) in her life. The fact that Emma wants her, without any soulmate obligations or arranged marriage, is intoxicating, but she does not see how a relationship between them could work. Regina does not know what Emma sees when she looks at her achingly, who she thinks Regina is, but she is sure that Emma will be disappointed when she realizes that Regina is not that person. 

Each time she sees Emma she plans to say something, but each time she doesn’t and tells herself she will the next time. It doesn’t help that Henry is always around. So one day, when Emma comes to collect Henry and he is taking a long time getting ready upstairs, Regina, without any planning, kisses Emma. It is gentle yet passionate, better than how she imagined it would be when she thought about kissing Emma. It is also over far too quickly because she forces herself to pull away.

“I can’t be who you want me to be” Regina informs Emma.

“I don’t want you to be anyone other than yourself.”

“I’m not brave like you.”

“I’m not brave. I’m just really bad at pretending to be something I’m not and being myself makes me less unhappy than trying to be what other people want me to be.” 

“I don’t…”

Emma cuts her off with a kiss, pulling Regina close to her and only breaking away when they hear Henry on the landing.

“Hey kid, what do you say we invite your Mom to come to the zoo with us?”

“Will I still be allowed an ice-cream?”

“Yes, I’ll buy you one when your Mom’s not looking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end was slightly fluffier than I had intended, but my heart wouldn't let me leave it with a more angsty ending.


End file.
